4 years ago, the happiest day of my life...

I know I've been neglecting almost everybody that used to read the blog, but i just need a time out, there were too many things going through my mind since last entry, I hope you guys never experience something like what happen to me on holidays, It was just so difficult but it was necessary, the thing is that the 6 days from christmas to new year were kind of the strangest of my life so far, I have to tell you all about this 'cause well I just have to.

So the 2 days before christmas I arrive from my traditional shopping trip with my family, and kind of was al high hopes about something, and I was happy, the road is like a really great and cystral mirror, at least for me because the best thing you can do with each of your family has an ipod is just sumerge as deep as you can in your thougths, so I came to the conclusion that I should search my happiness in the way as I see fit, and not let anyone else dictaminate how should I behave just to please someone else.

So holidays weren't sad in any matter, I got together with all my friends was able to congratulate and hug everyone, I got it to spend with all my family and also was able to wish her a happy birthday, but the thing is that all good wishes, all good things, all good times, didn't seem enough to cheer me up. Also I great therapy that I think really help was that 3 complete days were dedicated to finish a new rpg i just bought, within i was able to explore the meaning of hapiness, firendship and love. I don't want you to think that I'm defined through videogames or anime, but great stories with this topics always put things in perspective, I mean we all wish to have or great adventure right?, to find or true love, to be able to die or make an ultimate sacrifice for a friend, and things like vg add a sense of epic thing to those feelings and identified with it more quickly that way.

So I've came to the conclusion that the void inside me, the constant tension that I feel despite the good moments, was because at some point during last years I loose focus of my goal in life, I decided to always take the easy path, conform with my things, never improving myself, my relationship, my frienships, my knowledge, being lazy when it comes to affront new challenge s and that was all wrong, being able to say "if i would die rigth now ill be happy with my life" is good but kind of sad. I mean it almost sound like you say I really dont have anything more to live for.

So after a lot of thoughs, fake smiles in partys and lots game hours, on december 31 I went to the house were I lived when i was a kid (my aunt's), went to my old room and find a picture of snoopy hanging in the wall, a picture that i used to contemplate to fall sleep when i was 5, and on the painthing below snoopy it reads the following "I'm the sunshine of my life".

after that snap, lots of memories in my head at the same time, i feel dizzy and sick, and suddenly i could't breath, and after that peace, just peace.

just seconds later, everything make sense, my ideals, my way of thinking everything was coming back to me, funny to find that expression, sunshine, I always used to tell everyone when i was little that i was a star, that i would bring joy and warmth to everyone around me, I used to tell my friends that the sky is always blue and sun always shines again, i used to live to the motto walking on sunshine, i used to tell her i was her own personal sun. And there I have it, I'm my own reason to live, something I forgot, to persue my dreams and not to settle with what I already got, always to look ahead, not living in dreams or being greedy, just conitnue to improve one day at a time, learn something new everytime you can, be at peace with yourself.

Maybe this will sound to melodramatic for you but the truth is that since I return from spain, I lost that spirit and just like i say recently take it back from within myself, now Im again on track, i was able to get a job, I´m doing fine, and smiling, singing and dancing all day long just like the old days, and for no reason at all, is just great, im practicing martial arts im taking care of my body, I was able to enter a discipline again, and be happy with my everyday life and live my way. in the words of an anime character, that's my way of the ninja LOL.

And i wrote it today, cause, a few months ago I thought that today i will feel lonely and abandoned, but that not the case, today it just bring smile to remember one of my most happy and precious memory if not the happiest one that four years ago, by persuing my way of life i found what i was looking for at that time, and today I celebrate that, just by myself. today I celebrate by being me, by teaching the topics of today the best way I could, by helping a student through a personal crisis, by finishing a project i haven't finished in a while, by buying tickets to create another happy memory with my friends, and will continue to do it, by studying, grading exams and being fair in my grades, and by training an give all my energy until i cannot move and be satisfied with todays lesson.

So my advice to everyone if anyones needed just live, and quoting a movie "begin each day like you mean to" and adapt change move figth rest and take whatever form you need to take in order to be happy like water.

memories are important, but just because we lived once, and that's it, there is no point in try to live from them.